The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
