i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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