Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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