I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize