Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
