I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
