You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
