I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
