just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
