I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
