Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize