Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize