everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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