1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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