I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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