Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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