there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
