If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
