so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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