Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
