You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize