I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
