Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
