btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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