why didn't you poke me back
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize