I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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