I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
