ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
