my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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