We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize