The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
