I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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