There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
