Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
