i wish my penis had a tongue
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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