Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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