yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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