dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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