I have demons in me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
