I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
