I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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