Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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