Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
