Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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