I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
