I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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