So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
