I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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