He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
