I am in a vortex of obligation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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