had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
