We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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