I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
