Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
