why didn't you poke me back
I faked an abortion last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize