you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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