it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
