I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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