There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i out mim tonsoeep
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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