allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize