Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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