first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
