Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
vagina is talking i cant
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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