three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
