I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
