At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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