if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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