Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
