I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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