Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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