Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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