i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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