Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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