We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
