I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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