Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
